Gratitude Dancing

Thanksgivings have filled my heart but not my blogs in recent days so I return to the happy discipline of public posting of gratitude for ...

171.  rhythm of rain remains, dripping from spout, metronome ticking

172.  quiet room in quiet house for connection with mate

173.  hand-drawn placard from 5 year old hands, cheering his team in Super Bowl contest

174.  those eyes all asparkle with pride and delight at the letters and logo which he has penned

175.  memories re-visited of his father as child, pencil in hand, focus intent, making his own baseball cards

176.  simple pleasure of fixing fun foods for relaxed evening of family together

177.   daughter-in-law's furrowed brow and strong will to TACKLE, LEARN, CONQUER  certain "adult duty"

178.  her husband's shake of knowing head and laughing eyes

179.  as both her husband and mine offer specific help with the task

180.  gym and elliptical and substantial weights to push this body, heavy with so much recent rest & reflection

181.  for the sweaty satisfaaction of pushing myself through to complete the duration of cardio

182.  and the remembrance of past gym challenges, dreads and conquerings

183.  and the confidence it gives me now that "I CAN DO THIS"

184.  for BOISTEROUS boys bursting through door ready to PLAY!

185.  that grand-daughter can see, though she can't hear

186.  and whose heart and brain has healed enough

187.  to sit quietly and turn slowly through pages of magazine, looking, truly looking at each page, not blindly flipping through pages in big clumps just to get to end and grab the next book

188.  for ping-pong table alive with a three generation game

189.  and paddles given names by boisterous boys to commemorate their past performances in games

190.  chalkboard that becomes a "tally board" beneath small fingers with fat chalk penning large numbers

191.  for son and daughter-in-law who continue to share joy by their willingness to endure looong protests from tot in infant seat during their drives across the bay to our weekly meal together

192.  for grandson who emerges from car with deliberate ten-month-old wave of greeting and loud, practiced "Hi!" that shakes the laughter from brim-full cups of delight

193.  for tired body and joy filled heart after day of cleaning and cooking for this hungry appreciative crew of children and grands

194.  for daughters-in-law - different in so many ways - who are building their connection with deliberate attention, appreciation and respect

195.  and are growing in enjoyment of their husbands' verbal courting :-)

I am thankful:

196.  for weeks of days steady with trying and continual returning to my lists of "must-do's"

 197.  for  calm acceptance (finally!) of certain odius tasks outside my desires and skill set

 198.   for freedom to be flexible and peace to push tasks aside to make room in "my day" for others' needs, and concerns

199.  for the hard-won calm of heart that can finally focus (some days:-) on what has been accompished and given and not just what remains to be done

200.  for long training to learn to accept my inadequacies as gift, as ever-present proof of creature-li-ness and invitation to delight in others' gifts and accomplishments

201.  for training to see my performance mistakes and inadequacies as chances to give the gift of "MODELING IMPERFECTION" with humility, laughter and grace to those around me who push themselves so hard.

202.  for the end of a decade-long responsibility which I have at various times resented and stressed over, accepted and stressed over, "seen the good side of" and stressed over, loathed and stressed over, and, finally, turned over to others :-)!!!

I Wonder What Those Changing Lovers Do....

David and I got to have some quiet hours together, just the two of us, yesterday on Christmas, and we spent some of it in each others arms talking about our 35 years of marriage (our anniversary is today), thinking about how much we've learned from one another and changed because of each other's influence.

We wondered what the percentage would be of American couples of our generation who, at 35 years of marriage, still love AND LIKE each other (though I might have to resort to violence if we spent all our waking hours together :-).   I told David I would marry him all over again, even knowing now all the challenges and conflict we would struggle through and David told me, as he has before, that if he had it to do over he would have married me several years sooner - precluding some of our challenges and no doubt substituting others.  We emphatically agreed that we were NOT willing to start all over with someone else.

So anyway, I thought I might attempt to use posts on this and The View From Here over the next several weeks to give thanks for my husband, reflect on marriage, and share several poems by others.

Two years before David and I married, before we were even dating, I read a poem for my Oral Interpretation class written by Archibald McLeish, in which he reflected on a photograph of himself and his wife early in marriage and on their many years of sharing life together.  I remember telling the class that the poem demonstrated his positive view of life-long marriage and mutual commitments to choose to love.  I told them that I liked the poem because it reminded me of the marriage my parents modeled for me, even though they had not traveled the world like the McLeish's.  I told them I hoped one day, to look back on my own marriage with the same positive view point.

A portion of the poem was available online.  McLeish is looking at the young wife before him in the photograph:

          Do you think of waking in the all-night train,
          The curtains drawn, the Mediterranean
          Blue, blue, and the sellers of oranges
          Holding heapedup morning toward you?


          Do you think of Kumomoto-Ken
          Do you think how Santiago stands at
          Night under its stars, under its Andes:
          Its bells like heavy birds that climb
          Widening circles out of time?


          I saw them too.  I know those places.
          There are no mountains - scarcely a face 
         Of all the faces you have seen,
         Or a town or a room, but I have seen it.
         Even at dusk in the deep chair
         Letting the long past take you, bear you -
         Even then you never leave me, never can
         Your eyes close, your small hands
         Keep their secrets in your lap;
         Wherever you are we two were happy.


          I wonder what those changing lovers do,
         Watching each other in the darkening room,
         Whose world together is the nights they've shared;
         Whose past is parting:  strangers side by side.


I'm very grateful that both David and I had parents who modeled commitment, kindness, fidelity and truly caring for one another in marriage.  And I'm so thankful that David and I have both determined over and over again to also choose those life disciplines and to forgive each other as often as we have hurt each other in our 35 years together.

Listen

The crunch of dried berries, hard, underfoot, 

on my walk to the park after days of no rain.

The sharp POP of acorn shot from its cap

by the wind, in the night, on the hood of my car.

The whispering rustle of palm fronds in wind,

greet me during day, croon lullaby at night.

Startled cry of moorhen 

when long neck of crane, 

motoring submerged, periscopes from water

surveying the shore.

Infant chatter in stroller and car seat, 

rolling bright sounds through throat, tongue and teeth.

Raucous shouts and laughter of young boys making chase

on hard tiled floor with wagon and cart.

Snatches of conversation, overheard on the trail,

injecting mystery and story and marvel

that love endures at all.

Quiet chats with daughters-in-law,

across lunch table, in back of car, 

punctuated always with children sounds, life noise.

The laughter of Brunit, unfettered, free,

her hope now found in crossbar of tree.

For this Multitude Monday I thank God for sounds of life and joy from my week.

Let the sea resound, and everything in it,

the world, and all who live in it.

Let the rivers clap their hands,

let the mountains sing together for joy;

let them sing before the LORD,

for he comes to judge the earth.

He will judge the world in righteousness

and the peoples with equity.

This hope I hold and celebrate this Christmas:

God, the Lamb, 

born in barn, 
stretched on tree,

judges all 
with love forged 
equity.

I will trust His heart.

Blog Flux

I am a very slow decision maker.

Understatement.

I rue the hours that have mounted up over the years standing in a store aisle trying to decide between gifts for a loved one, or sitting THINKING for way too long about which task on my list has the highest priority NOW!   I can see a couple benefits of this personality characteristic, but mostly, in my culture, its a liability I struggle with continually.

I recently started another blog with similar content, in order to escape the box of the "sandystrugglestospeak" URL I chose several years ago, in favor of an URL that is simply my name.

I am still deciding what each blog will grow up to be and how to share and divide content between them, but for now I am posting to both.

So you may also find me at:  http://sandycullum.blogspot.com

Take Two on BJ's Protein Muffins

An intriguing picture from the October 2010 Triathlete magazine of a dumbbell baked into a giant muffin caught my eye, but the recipe from BJ Gumkowski, a five time Ironman, intrigued me even more, since I've been on the lookout for a low fat, high protein, low sugar, high fiber muffin that actually tastes good and doesn't resemble cardboard when you chew it.  I've made my own variation of the recipe twice now, and the results have been good enough to call this recipe a definite keeper.  I'll post the recipe for the way I made it yesterday.  They won't really rise, but thanks to the egg whites, they are surprisingly "light".  I will continue to try this recipe with many variations.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Spray muffin tin with cooking oil (or grease with coconut oil).  I used a medium size non-stick muffin tin for 12 muffins using about 1/3 cup mix in each.

Mix together in the order listed:
     1 cup of dry oatmeal (I used quick oats for this recipe, but old fashioned would work also)
     1/4 cup ground flax seed
     1/4 cup wheat germ
     1/3 cup all bran cereal (the twig type)*
     1 cup egg whites
     1 ripe pear, diced or grated  (the original recipe called for unsweetened cinnamon applesauce)
     1/2 cup pumpkin (just pumpkin, not the pie mix)
     1/4 cup non-fat plain yogurt (use mashed cottage cheese and/or milk if you don't have yogurt)
     1 Tablespoon almond nut butter (peanut butter is fine)
     1 full banana, sliced, diced, or mushed**
     2 Tablespoons of agave nectar or honey (listed as optional on the original recipe)

Mix ingredients until all are wet and evenly distributed, then add the blueberries.
     1 cup of fresh or frozen blueberries***

Bake 25 minutes at 350.  Leave the muffins in the pan for a while after so they can finish cooking - they are very moist.  I turned mine in the pan after 5-10 minutes, so the bottoms wouldn't get soggy, and I think I popped them back in the already cooling oven for a big longer before removing.
    
*  I used this combination of grains in place of 1 and 1/2 cup of oat bran called for in the original recipe.

**I like to throw my over-ripe bananas in their skin in the freezer, then I microwave for 1 minute at high power, cut the stalk end off and squeeze the banana like a toothpaste tube, starting at the end opposite the cut.  The banana will goosh nicely out of the skin, usually with no mess whatsoever.

***I used frozen blueberries both times I made this recipe.  The first time I tossed them in frozen, but this time my berries were tiny and covered in freezer frost, so I thawed enough (drink the juice, don't toss it:-) to make a cup.

The next time I make this version, I'll add some cinnamon and some almond extract.

Gratitude Walk

133.  I had a brief, unanticipated meeting with an old friend as I walked in the park Sunday morning.

134.  Though I smiled inwardly at this friend's ready assertion to me of personal attendance at a worship service earlier that morning and wondered if a smile might come to his face if he knew how few corporate worship services I'd taken part in these past few years

136.  I greatly appreciated his transparent admission of entering world view quandaries and theological struggles similar to some of mine

137.  and the few moments of empathic conversation.

138.  I returned to photographing the water lilies before hurrying home to dinner with my husband and son and his always lively family.

139.  The intentional "gratitude walk" with camera in hand, had succeeded, as it almost always does, in turning my thoughts to thankfulness to God for the beauty that surrounds me

140.  and for the gifts of a safe community in which to walk

141.  and the awe and inner relaxing and reordering of thoughts that awaits when I step outside.

141.  Thank you, God, for healthy grandsons and a morning at the park staging "zoo animals" for photos

142.  and for missing the small "no swimming" logo on a nearby sign even though I searched for it before allowing

143.  the boys to play in "the river" fountain for many fun-filled minutes

144.  feeling like a community trouble-maker when parents walked past refusing water access to their young'uns

145.  and for those boys' quick obedience to end the water play once I spotted the prohibition...sigh...the threat of litigation spoiling fun once again...

146.  for noisy, tiring, but happy family meals together

147.  where babies can get baths in the kitchen sink

148.  and attentive cousins can get a sink-side tutorial

149.  and hang together when the bath is done.

150.  For generous friends to lay-out and form and family to help pour the footer for the new family house on the old family lot

151.  for the blessing of grand-parenting

152.  and afternoons of working together

153.  while listening to the Rays CLINCH the American League East

My apologies to Ann Voskamp of "Holy Experience".  I continue to experience difficulties getting her link button for Multitude Monday to copy and display properly.  But clicking on the box below will take you to her blog, even though it appears empty.

Experiencing God's Goodness Through People

Seven years ago I was preparing to host an open house to celebrate Kyle and Michelle's wedding with all our Florida friends.  Kyle had been serving with Word Made Flesh in Kolkata for a couple years, and had met and fallen in love with Michelle when she had volunteered there the previous summer.  They'd been courting long distance most of the year and had gotten married in Wisconsin in July.   We wanted to host an open house for our many friends in Florida to meet Michelle and visit with Kyle who had been away - at school and then India - for so long.  Our house is plenty large enough for David and myself, but rather compact when considering having 100-150 people over.

My friends helped me plan the menu and spent hours helping me prepare a number of the dishes.  One made several desserts and spent the hours during the open house plating hors d'oeuvres and cleaning up.   One friend ran a food pick-up for me, and one friend with mad scrapbooking skills took an hour or two to lead me through making wedding photo posters - a process that would have taken me days by myself.

One friend even helped me clean out and organize my garage a couple weeks prior to the event (a mountainous task that had been overwhelming to me) to gain much needed storage and prep space for the party supplies and food.  On the two nights of the open house, because my friends had been so good to me, sharing their time and expertise, I was able to fully relax and enjoy all our friends and Kyle and Michelle.

I experienced the same kind of goodness in getting set up for Sam and Amber's wedding rehearsal dinner.  Family and friends helped us prepare food, set up tables, displays and games and made short work of the clean-up at the end of the evening.

Over the years I've learned to know myself, in part, by noticing how I differ from others...in the motivations that drive us, the ways we work and communicate, our skill sets and preferences for doing things together or by ourselves, etc.  Though I've spent waaay too much time moaning about my dismal rate of productivity over the years, I've worked to exchange moaning about my weaknesses for a willingness to ask for help and gratitude for the people in my life with the skills, gifts and willingness to help me bring about the plan I've envisioned.